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3:30 A.M. November 24, 2017


I was awakened to a sound that would change my life forever. I heard a giant fall. I will never in one hundred years forget those next few hours of deepest grief and unbelievable pain. My heart shattered into a million pieces. My husband, my sweetheart, the love of my life, my best friend, the father of my children, my one and only, my ministry partner, the one I dreamed and created with, the one who God had used to heal my broken, little girl heart, the one I knew and knew me like no other.... in the blink of an eye had flown to another dimension... the Kingdom of Heaven. Like Enoch, "He walked faithfully with God, then he was no more because God took him." It has taken me this long to try to put into words just a little bit of my heart. This is so hard. I keep telling myself, "one breath, one heartbeat, one day at a time." I feel like this will be something I will be repeating for a long time... maybe forever. We have suffered a huge blow, but we are NOT defeated. We have suffered a huge loss, but we are NOT lost. We have suffered a huge shock, but we are NOT alone. I have preached about faith in the face of fear and uncertainty for so many years, and now I am having to walk that out for real. I have preached about the peace that passes understanding guarding hearts and minds, and now I know THAT peace personally. I have preached about HIS grace being sufficient, and now THAT grace IS sufficient & almost tangible. GOD IS GOOD! The same amazing God I have loved all my life is the same God that holds me right now in this horrible place I find myself in. He is here. His presence is here. I feel - no... I know my husband's death was not an accident... but opposite than that... is was purposeful... full of purpose. I have so much to say because the Lord has done so much in the last week to show me He is near and that all of this has not one, but many purposes. I keep getting "love notes" every day.... here's one.... I went into Dave's closet to just feel close to him for a moment on Wednesday. I was thinking and praying about feeling like I just couldn't do "this" and how would I keep going without my love? Behind his clothes in a corner I see an open box. I don't think I've ever seen it before. The date on the UPS label was August, 2013. One end was opened and I reached in to see what was there. I pulled out a wall decal that had apparently been sitting in that box for 4 years! In beautiful, script font read the words, "You are STRONGER than you know, you are BRAVER than you believe, you are SMARTER than you think you are." Thank you honey for ordering this, never showing it to me & forgetting about it. Thank you Lord for keeping it in that box until it was the moment I needed it the most.

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